Friday, March 15, 2013

Friday's Letters

Dear Friday.  The days leading up to you have been sleeping in, catching up, reading books, long walk kind of days.  This week was very much needed.  Dear school.  I told myself I would get ahead in classes by doing homework over the WSU spring break, but ya...that didn't happen.  Dear pups.  I have so enjoyed hanging out with you all day every day.  Don't get too used to it, though.  Next week, I'm back on the calendar to substitute teach.  Dear new clothes.  My little shopping spree was very well worth it.  I feel super fashionable in the sheer, gauzy, lace tops I bought, and they'll be perfect for all seasons here.  And the cigarette pants!  To die for.  Dear weather.  You warmed up enough to let me walk the dogs in just a sweatshirt last week, but all of a sudden you dumped another five inches of snow!  Now the sidewalks are frozen over, I can't get the car out of the driveway, and I'm generally miserable every time I step outside.  May we please have Spring now?!  Dear Europe.  There are days where being in the States seems like all I want...but then I find round trip tickets for €18 to Pisa...and then I find concert tickets for The Killers and Paramore for cheap when they stop in Luxembourg...and then I remember that I'm heading to Amsterdam in just a couple weeks...and THEN I remember that I'm trying to plan on a quick jaunt to Spain for my birthday.  So, right now I love you.  Dear camera.  I've missed you very much.  I need to schedule some time for us to spend together, and round up some clients to photograph.  Anyone?  Anyone?  Dear self.  Change is good, but you may be taking it a little new piercing is quite all right, but drastic hair changes, tattoos, and multiple piercings?  You should possibly maybe rethink your plans.  No?  Okay, then, go for it.  Dear peeps.  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!  Dear husband.  I still miss you like crazy, and it's still not easy, but March seems to be speeding by a little more quickly than February did.  Thank you for letting me keep myself occupied so the end of this deployment comes that much faster.  I love and miss you mucho!  [and if you participate in Mustache March Madness, I will kung fu you.]

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The Truth [v1.4]

This post may or may not make much sense.  It's an outpouring of words that have been cooped up for quite a while, and my eyes hurt too much to proofread.  Apologies if it's whacky!

It's hard to believe that almost a year ago, I wrote a post describing our journey to try and start a family, and labeled in The Truth.  We've had ups and downs, but mostly I just try not to talk about it too much. Who wants to listen to the whiney ginger go on about how angry she is?  No one.  I know this.  But, since I receive so many encouraging emails and questions from curious readers, it's time to write a quick update about where we are in our effort to have a child.
If you don't know, Timmy deployed this past January on a short notice jaunt to the desert.  3 weeks notice.  Not enough time to plan!  But we had one more opportunity to really try to conceive.  I'm sure you may be thinking of a certain post where I touched on how I'm not pushing to get pregnant anymore because we enjoy having time to do the things we like, but sometimes feelings change.  Reasons why we were ready to make it happen before he left: 1) He would for sure be here when the baby was born. 2) I have a part time job, which would help us save up enough in the financial department to ensure we could provide the things we want to for a newborn.  3) My family is coming out for Christmas this year, so they would for sure get to see it.  4)  Timmy finally told me how he feels about all of this.  His decision?  If we aren't pregnant by the time we leave Germany, then we're adopting.
These are just some reasons.  The rest are internal, too hard to describe with mere words, on top of this timeline that we've given ourselves to make our dreams happen.  Needless to say, I'm feeling the pressure.
But.  It didn't work.
I'm not pregnant; no surprise there.  We've spent 2 years and 8 months trying, why would it work out now?  I didn't get too upset over it until...until the flood of pregnancy announcements show up on my blog feed, my Facebook news feed, Twitter, the newspapers, emails, from the hordes of women rushing down the street anxious to share their news with the world.  PIPE DOWN.  You're hurting someone's feelings over here!  During this point?  Me = ├╝ber bitch.
Maybe you can understand this perspective: remember in the first post where I mentioned how my feelings of inadequacy were taken out on my best friend?  She started trying close to the time we did, back in 2010.  She's pregnant again.  And this is where it hurts the most; during the time that we've been trying we could have had two kids, like they have.
I'm happy for all of you, I really am.  And I shouldn't be pouting since there are even worse things that I could be going through, and that you might actually be dealing with.  But pout I do, and happy for you I am, and like Yoda I talk.  I'm sending well wishes and congratulatory thoughts in all of you pregnant ladies directions, and crossing my fingers that I get to share your joy one day.  In order to do that, I suppose I should head back to the doctor for the test results [from the tests I had taken back in September...ya].  And once I do, maybe we can finally pinpoint why I'm so biologically backwards compared to the rest of the world.
Thanks for listening, dears.  That's the last post like that for a while.  Tomorrow, I'll be sharing a story about how I managed to lock myself and the dogs out of the house...that was interesting.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Sometimes I break my promises

and don't blog like I said I would.  That may or may not change.  I'm out of a job for the week, so I now have plenty of time to sit down and tell you guys all the stories I've been holding in for the past couple months.  Until then, however, I have some Weekend in Pictures catching up to do.
.coffee dates with the girls.
.sushi dates with entertaining friends.

.fun hats and cute dogs.
.mustache cups and bug dresses.
.worlds catching on fire.  or the eye of sauron...

.snow falling off of trees.
.more cute pups that make my heart happy.
.a boxer play date.
.rocking out and getting a new piercing.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Friday's Letters

Dear Friday.  Oh, thank goodness you're here.  Dear Saturday.  I'm looking forward to you even more...  Dear Husband.  We just hit the one month mark.  Could time drag on any slower?!  I miss you so much, and need you to come home soon.  Sweet talk the AF into that, ya?  Great, thanks.  Dear work.  I absolutely adore the job I've been covering the past couple months [para educator], and can't believe it's already down to the final week.  I'm going to miss these kids so much!  Thankfully I'll still be substitute teaching, so chances are I'll see them often.  Just not in the same situation.  Keep your fingers crossed that I'll be able to pick it up as a full time gig next school  year!  Dear family.  I keep debating, but I don't think coming home this year is going to happen.  I miss you all tons, but tickets are just way too expensive :/  Dear Ninja & Sass.  I'm glad I have you to keep me company.  Life would be boring without our daily walk and nightly snuggles.  Dear Amsterdam.  One month to go!  Excited to visit your pretty sites.  Dear summer.  I need to fill you up so I don't pine away, missing my Asian flavor.  Ideas on things to do solo in Europe?  Dear readers.  I've been MIA.  For a very long time.  And I would promise to be back for good, but we all know how that turns out...but know that I do have some posts planned for next week before I take another hiatus from the blogosphere.  Dear blog.  Every time I see you, I love the way you look more than the last.  Dear Washington State University.  I hate you, and your dumb classes, too.  Dear attitude.  Not sure what's going on lately, but you've been making yourself known recently.  What happened to the quiet, reserved girl that existed in the teen years?  Tone it down a bit, you're pissing people off.  Dear pregnant women.  STOP BEING PREGNANT.  Sincerely, my insulted and dysfunctional uterus.  Dear attitude.  Seriously?  Dear social life.  You're close to non-existant, but with the ending of this long-term subbing position and a lightened school load, you'll pick up soon.  Dear peeps.  Hope you have a wonderful weekend!  I'm praying for some warmer weather, but regardless of how it looks outside, I'll be making the most of this European adventure.  Ta!